When Negotiations Go Nowhere—And How to Fix It
- Mar 10
- 2 min read
Updated: Mar 25
I can’t believe this happened—yet it’s a textbook example. To be clear, I am not writing about politics, and I’m not taking sides. I’m simply drawing lessons for business negotiations.
We’ve all seen negotiations where two sides walk in, both trying to take charge, both convinced they’re right, and neither willing to budge. What happens? A deadlock. No progress. Just two people talking at each other instead of with each other.
This is what happens when both parties adopt a “parent” ego state—lecturing, demanding, and asserting authority. It might feel powerful, but it kills any chance of real movement. Because when both sides are locked in control mode, no one is actually listening. And if no one is listening, no one is negotiating.
The Power of the “Child” State
The best negotiators know that control isn’t always the answer. Sometimes, the real power move is shifting into a different energy—the “child” state. Not childish, but child-like—curious, open, and willing to explore new possibilities.
Instead of making statements, the child asks questions:
Curiosity instead of control: “I want to understand your position better. What’s your biggest concern right now?”
Vulnerability instead of rigidity: “This situation is tough for us. What would make it easier for you?”
Possibility instead of confrontation: “What’s a solution that works for both of us?”
A simple shift like this changes everything. It lowers defenses, invites real dialogue, and turns a stalemate into a conversation.
The Real Lesson Here
Negotiation isn’t about who talks the loudest. It’s about who listens the best.
We’ve seen recent talks that went nowhere because both sides were too focused on being right. But it didn’t have to play out that way. With a different approach—less control, more curiosity—the outcome could have been completely different.
Next time you’re in a tough negotiation, ask yourself: Am I trying to win, or am I trying to understand? Because the best negotiators know that understanding is winning.